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So far as I can see, FM17, for all its incredible verisimilitude, omits the following.

  1. Ludicrous appeals: ‘Our throw, ref’.
  2. Trying to steal 20 yards at a throw-in.
  3. Throwing the ball forward before taking a free kick, again to steal a few yards.
  4. Shepherding the ball out of play.
  5. The increasingly frequent breaks in play where everyone rushes to the bench to get a drink.
  6. Taking the ball into the corner to kill the game.
  7. Kicking the ball away to waste time.
  8. Having to go off and come on again after treatment.
  9. Stretchers.
  10. Checking studs.
  11. Punch-ups.
  12. Managers getting carded.
  13. Programme notes.
  14. Crowd trouble.
  15. Streakers.
  16. Bungs.
  17. Betting on Alan Curbishley.
  18. Players biting other players.
  19. Managers’ agents.
  20. Slang.
  21. Players embroiled in twitter controversies.
  22. Swearing.
  23. ‘Sack the board’.
  24. Racism.
  25. Homophobia.
  26. Jail.
  27. Safeguarding – or lack of.
  28. Fog.
  29. Matches having to be abandoned (rather than postponed).
  30. Fake sheikhs.
  31. Bereavements.
  32. Drugs.
  33. Club chaplains.
  34. Court cases.
  35. Joleon Lescott’s phone sending tweets on its own accord.
  36. Unions.
  37. Knighthoods for FM managers.
  38. The Confederation of Independent Football Associations (please!).
  39. Above all, women’s football.

If anyone has spotted any of the above, please let me know. Ditto anything else that’s been omitted.

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