{"id":9543,"date":"2017-04-08T12:00:57","date_gmt":"2017-04-08T11:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thehighertempopress.com\/?p=9543"},"modified":"2017-04-07T20:27:29","modified_gmt":"2017-04-07T19:27:29","slug":"mlssien","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thehighertempopress.com\/2017\/04\/mlssien\/","title":{"rendered":"MLSsien"},"content":{"rendered":"
In The Higher Tempo Press HQ, the ideas presented fit into two separate yet equally important groups: 10\/10, top quality writing; and good puns. This is the latter.<\/p>\n
(Credit to anyone who got that Law & Order reference)<\/p>\n
What would it be like if Michael Essien, former Chelsea midfield hero, moved to MLS? I hear you ask, \u201cbut what club?\u201d \u2013 every club, of course.<\/p>\n
First, a look at Michael Essien. Obviously not the physically imposing player he was in his prime by his Technical attributes are still reasonable and his Mental attributes would be a welcome addition to most teams despite the below average Work Rate.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The season begins on 06\/03\/2016\u2026<\/p>\n
Without Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 29 appearances, 0 goals, 4 assists, 2 POM, 6.85 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 3rd<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 1st<\/sup> in Eastern Conference, Eastern Conference Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n Essien stats: 0(5) appearances, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 POM, 6.87 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 2nd<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 30 appearances, 2 goals, 5 assists, 4 POM, 6.74 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 10th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 19(2) appearances, 1 goal, 2 assists, 1 POM, 6.83 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 7th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 25(6) appearances, 0 goals, 3 assists, 0 POM, 6.53 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 1st<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference, Eastern Conference Winner<\/strong><\/em>, MLS Cup Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n Essien stats: 4 appearances, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 POM, 6.90 average rating, waived on 09\/04\/16<\/p>\n Without Essien: 5th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 3rd<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 30(3) appearances, 0 goals, 4 assists, 1 POM, 6.83 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 4th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference, Eastern Conference Final Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n With Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 0(9) appearances, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 POM, 6.53 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 9th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 3rd<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 3(1) appearances, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 POM, 6.50 average rating, Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 2nd<\/sup> in Eastern Conference, Eastern Conference Final Winner<\/strong><\/em>, MLS Cup Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n With Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Eastern Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 16(9) appearances, 0 goals, 4 assists, 1 POM, 6.71 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 8th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Western Conference, Western Conference Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n Essien stats: 34(1) appearances, 0 goals, 9 assists, 0 POM, 6.80 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 3rd<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 15(7) appearances, 0 goals, 5 assists, 1 POM, 6.74 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 5th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 7th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 0(2) appearances, 0 goals, 0 assists, 0 POM, 6.50 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 3rd<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 4th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 8(6) appearances, 0 goals, 1 assist, 0 POM, 6.47 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 4th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 1st<\/sup> in Western Conference, Western Conference Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n Essien stats: 0 appearances, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 9th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 6th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 25(4) appearances, 1 goal, 7 assists, 2 POM, 6.60 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 10th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 10th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 19(6) appearances, 0 goals, 1 assist, 1 POM, 6.73 average rating, Vice-Captain<\/p>\n Without Essien: 1st<\/sup> in Western Conference, Western Conference Final Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n With Essien: 2nd<\/sup> in Western Conference, Western Conference Runner Up<\/span><\/p>\n Essien stats: 0 appearances, waived on 03\/03\/2016<\/p>\n Without Essien: 2nd<\/sup> in Western Conference, Western Conference Final Winner<\/strong><\/em>, MLS Cup Winner<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n With Essien: 7th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 21(5) appearances, 1 goal, 6 assists, 0 POM, 6.72 average rating<\/p>\n Without Essien: 7th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n With Essien: 5th<\/sup> in Western Conference<\/p>\n Essien stats: 33(2) appearances, 1 goal, 6 assists, 2 POM, 6.84 average rating, Captain<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So in summary, 10 out of 20 clubs improved their position after signing Michael Essien. He \u00a0was Vice-Captain of 7 teams and Captain of a further 3 teams, sadly being waived by two teams. I think it\u2019s fair to say from this intellectual experiment that a MLS move for Michael Essien would neither be a disaster nor perfection but certainly fulfils the desire for a terrible pun \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In The Higher Tempo Press HQ, the ideas presented fit into two separate yet equally important groups: 10\/10, top quality writing; and good puns. This is the latter. (Credit to anyone who got that Law & Order reference) What would it be like if Michael Essien, former Chelsea midfield hero, moved to MLS? I hear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":67,"featured_media":9584,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[153,90],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nColumbus Crew SC<\/strong><\/h4>\n
D.C. United<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Montreal Impact<\/strong><\/h4>\n
New England Revolution<\/strong><\/h4>\n
New York Red Bulls<\/strong><\/h4>\n
New York City Football Club<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Orlando City<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Philadelphia Union<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Toronto FC<\/strong><\/h4>\n
MLS Western Conference<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Colorado Rapids<\/strong><\/h4>\n
FC Dallas<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Houston Dynamo<\/strong><\/h4>\n
LA Galaxy<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Portland Timbers<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Real Salt Lake<\/strong><\/h4>\n
San Jose Earthquakes<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Seattle Sounders FC<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Sporting Kansas City<\/strong><\/h4>\n
Vancouver Whitecaps FC<\/strong><\/h4>\n