Job-hunting is hard. Job hunting for a job as a football manager is even harder. Job hunting for a job as a football manager without any coaching badges and only having played football at a Sunday League level (although I’ll have you know that I was voted Player of the Season for Corinthian Casuals on 2 separate occasions) is nigh on impossible. Nevertheless, I still had to try. Working at McDonald’s just wouldn’t do anymore and since I received £3000 in compensation from McDonald’s after an accident at work involving a stray chip and some very hard flooring, traveling to another country was not an issue. Just the only issue was who in their right mind would take me?
I sent out my CV (basically what I did playing Football Manager) to a bunch of football clubs in various countries who were without a manager at the moment. Andorra, Albania, Algeria, even bloody Afghanistan! Somehow 8 teams came back to me willing to offer me a job as a manager at their club (ES Setif from Algeria offered me a job but as the janitor. As a joke, I hope).
Ah. Should’ve seen this coming. All the teams that are offering me a job are from Afghanistan. I can’t possibly accept this job. The standards of football are so low. I shouldn’t even consider applying for the interview. I should just ignore that button saying ‘accept for interview’. Just ign- I pressed it. Man, I must be desperate.
INTERVIEW #1 (over MSN. Not Skype. MSN)
Interviewer: Hello Mr. Iyer. We want you very much at club
Me: I do need a job soon, so I’d appreciate if you could come to a decision quick.
Interviewer: To be honest Mr. Iyer, you were the only candidate who applied for this job, so I guess you get it straight awat
Me: Why has no-one applied for the job?
Interviewer: Something to do with safety because we not able to give managers security guards. Also, we can’t afford to pay wage to you
And that was the end of that interview. Surely there has to be something better than this.
12: 08: PING!
An e-mail notification.
I’ve gotten myself another interview! And it’s not in a war-zone! Instead, it’s in Andorra, at UE Santa Coloma. I’d be a fool to not accept this job. And they’re offering me £275/week. And a year’s stay at the Holiday Inn. It’s too good to turn down. Beautiful location, solid wage. Shelter. Predicted to finish 4th in the league. I think it’s time that I start a new adventure in my life. I think it’s time I become a real-life football manager…